February 09, 2012

Top Five: Ways That Students Procrastinate

We’re known for it, our ability to find absolutely anything to do other than what we’re meant to. Some call it an art, others call it a curse, hell I’ve already done it and I haven’t even finished my first sentence. There are some ways that people put off work that are more common than others though, so here’s my top five ways that students procrastinate:

5. Tidying
It’s a week till your 5 000 word essay on the role pigeons played during the cold war is due and you’re sat down at your desk with Word open (but blank save for the title). You’re about to open the first textbook when your foot budges forwards and taps against something. You look down to see a half finished Lucozade bottle and your eyes glance around your room. Suddenly your bin needs emptying (even though it’s half full), your sheets need changing (it has been a coupe of months to be fair) and you’ve decided you’re gunna wash up all the saucepans and plates, you know, for hygiene reasons. 2 hours later your room and the house is spotless and your laptop has gone into hibernation mode. Another good days work, time for a pint.

It’s the next day and you’re no closer to starting that pigeon essay than you were the day before. You sit down for round two when, despite the fact you ate only a few hours ago, you start to convince yourself you’re hungry. You pop down to the kitchen to find the cupboards bare and the fridge even barer save for what used to be a yoghurt that has now grown to twice it’s size somehow. Queue an impromptu trip to Tesco for a few hours where you walk down every aisle making sure you haven’t missed any ‘decent offers.’ You end up back at home pissed because they were selling Jameson's buy one get one free and it would have been rude not to, even though you don’t like whisky.

3. Texting
I’m never burning Bennett another Drake CDDay 3 and you’re hungover to fuck, thanks John Jameson. This is it though, todays the day you start to explain just how important those pigeons were. Once again you reach for your textbook when you’re phone goes off. The text is a ‘hilarious’ joke sent to you by the friend who has no sense of humour of their own so over compensates by sending mediocre jokes to their whole phonebook. This one however is worthy of forwarding and so you go ahead and select everyone in your contacts that wont be insulted by the racial banter, sexism and devil worship. After 20 minutes of ‘lol’s’ ‘lmfao’s’ ‘haha’s’ and ‘wuu2’s’ you’re round someone's house playing Fifa with a nagging feeling there was something you were meant to be doing today.

2. ‘Side Projects’
Yeah you’re studying for a degree but at the end of the day the real money is gunna be made when you’re blog of funny alligator pictures takes off and you can start selling LOLigator merch. Time to open up Photoshop and get creative.

1. Facebook
This was always gunna be number one. The bane of my essay writing career to date. The old Facebook used to be bad enough but since they’ve introduced that fecking live feed of everything that everyone’s doing it’s got 10 times worse. Now you catch yourself halfway through the profile picture album of someone you once talked to about 3 years ago because someone else that you haven’t spoken to for about five years commented on one of the pictures with the succinct but timeless statement of ‘fit bbz.’ It’s only going to get worse, may have to deactivate mine for deadline month (who am I kidding, where would I be able to share all my witty observations on life if I couldn’t update my status?!)

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